A Baby Boy

It’s not that I don’t like children. On the contrary, I really love the children of my brother and sisters, and they love me back. Even now, as I am old and they have children of their own, they visit Harvey and me often enough. And I really like their children too. Feels a bit like grandchildren, even. No, it’s not that I don’t love children.

I never wanted any of my own, that’s all. Not that I put much thought to it, really – I just never got pregnant. Not even had my period late once. Regular as clockwork – until it stopped completely, of course. Harvey would have liked to have children, I know that, but he rarely spoke about it. It just didn’t happen for us, and neither of us expressed any real sorrow about that. We had a full life, with our own business and so, and life has been kind to us.

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Why?

I want to tell my story. Here it comes:

On July 23 2007, our son Roy, after a pregnancy of 36 weeks, deceased. On July 22 I visited my midwife his heart was still beating. Everything was still good.

The next morning I found him very quiet, and I lost some fluid. I was worried so I called my midwife again. I had to come immediately. I fist rang my boyfriend and he came immediately. The midwife could not find the heartbeat so she took us to the hospital. There it was found out that our son was deceased.

We were stunned, we could not believe that happened to us. Of course we had very much grief and pain. We thought they would act immediatly to let him be born but we were wrong. We first had to take some time for ourselfs, the doctor said, so there was an appointment for the following morning at 8.15 am in order to induce labor.

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Welcome

Welcome to you all on these pages…

I thought about creating a place for those of us who seek a place to mourn the child that never was born for some time now, and as a New Years resolution I decided to finally do it.

Neverborn children are so often an untold story – after losing a baby, or after mourning about realizing you may never have one, after a while you are supposed to move on, people just seem to lose intrest. But in reality the sadness takes a long time to abate, and often will never vanish completely. Telling the story, sharing it with others, will help though.

So, if you have a story to share, be welcome to tell it here. I hope it will help you to recover, even if only just a little.