So Sad

With all this pain in my heart I look at the ultrasound in my hand
I hold it firmly – and don’t ever want to let go
This one photo is my only memory of you

You still were so litlle, so vulnerable
You were taken away from me at four months
Why is it that you only were allowed to see so little of this world

I am so sad – I didn’t want to lose you…

A Baby Boy

It’s not that I don’t like children. On the contrary, I really love the children of my brother and sisters, and they love me back. Even now, as I am old and they have children of their own, they visit Harvey and me often enough. And I really like their children too. Feels a bit like grandchildren, even. No, it’s not that I don’t love children.

I never wanted any of my own, that’s all. Not that I put much thought to it, really – I just never got pregnant. Not even had my period late once. Regular as clockwork – until it stopped completely, of course. Harvey would have liked to have children, I know that, but he rarely spoke about it. It just didn’t happen for us, and neither of us expressed any real sorrow about that. We had a full life, with our own business and so, and life has been kind to us.

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My unborn child

There was a child living inside me
something that came from our love
something tiny that would blossom in me
something we created, all by ourselfs

and now it hurts so much
that I couldn’t give it anything
that we cannot be a family
and I couldn’t keep it alive